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| I remember that 2 years ago, around this time in the year, I was listening to the same music that I am now. Which consists of a whole bunch of Sugar Ray. He somehow has an impeccable way of capturing all the lustful ways of these lazy summer days. It also happens that with every passing year, I can relate to more and more of the lyrics in his songs.
Looking back now, I come to realize that so much of me has changed since then. A lot of boundaries have been broken, and limits pushed to the max. Most of them passing through unknowingly, and others under the arrogance and ignorance of my lack of self control or discipline. And yet, even now, I don't want to admit that I've done anything out of line. I want to see it as just a natural process, but I suppose part of that process is getting back in line.
Slowly, but surely, I'm recuperating back into what some of you might consider to be a form of normality. I still remember a time where I was in fact -- normal. I remember even more so that I hated that time period. I want to be anything but normal.
Mission accomplished? Wouldn't you say? haha.
Yeah, the only reason why I'm posting again is because facebook is down for crappy maintenance. AND the fact that I decided writing is a beneficial activity.
Peace out.
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| No more catchy phrases, smart remarks, or smirky comments. I've abandoned my html background, and pratically this xanga all together. So I guess if you're reading this, you haven't abandoned me, even when I did.
I'm not really pointing out anyone in particular, just whoever happens to come across it.
There have been many different people in my life that have came and went. And there are those few that are ever steadfast with me. Trust me, I know that I can be a pain to deal with sometimes. Or, a lot of the times. I apologize if I ever sent the wrong message out, but at times I don't realize what I'm doing.
Those of you that keep faith in me even after all the times I let you down or pushed you away, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Deep down inside.
Whether you knew me 5 years ago, or maybe just year ago, time really doesn't account for how well you believe in me. I know for a fact that even a couple of months is plenty to see how hard it is to deal with me. Because of that, some people have simply given up. Some of them, ehh, I couldn't care less. But others, it made me question what was wrong with me. What am I, annoying? Unlikeable? Hardheaded? Aloof?
Sometimes it pains me to see the truth. But then again, it's the same pain that drives me to do better. To learn from my mistakes. To admit that I'm still human.
I know that I've made some big mistakes in this short time I've been alive. Some mistakes that could've put my future in jeopardy. Maybe mistakes that some will never make... And at times I think about making them again. It's just right in front of me. Taunting me.
Will I ever make them again? In my lifetime? Probably.
I have a problem. And it's going to take me more than the relatively short time I've spent to fix it.
But could I ever get over any of it without your support? Definitely not.
I never like to show my vulnerability. I've kept this guard up for so long. For the past year actually, and I guess it's been working quite well. Under the past circumstances, I would never ask anyone to comment. Possibly out of sheer pride? Whatever.
But now, I'm asking you that if you've indeed read this, please leave me a comment. I just want to see who's even logging into this after I came so close to completely destroying this. This blog that I once treasured so much.
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| Reflecting back upon this school year, I realized that it was really crappy.
But then, I looked closer, and realized that I overlooked several instances where I absolutely life for what it really is.
I became closer to freedom, to friends -- new and old, and to myself.
Although I got off track, and after much procrastination, I'm back to the sane human being that I used to know. What threw me off was how this past year ended, and how it started off poorly. I don't really blame anyone, because instances as such happen to everyone. I'm just thankful that it didn't happen at a time that's even more pivotal than this [aka -- junior year... aka -- *next* year]
This is going to be a heck of year... We'll see how all this work pays off in the end.
"I was gonna go a job application... But then I got _ _ _ _"
[key: sick] 
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| When the sun sets, and darkness draws upon my day, I sometimes think about my day. Even though the sun will rise again, will tomorrow ever be the same? Will any single day be the same as another day?
Then I think, will any experience, any moment ever be the same again? When everybody leaves, and goes back to the place they came from... Will your relationships still remain the way they were?
Although time after time, we all promised that nothing will change... Look again. Has nothing changed?
No. In fact, everything has changed.
After you lose that moment, it's gone. Forever.
Sorry to say, but it has already passed us by.
I suppose right now, I'm scared to let my wall down and make new relationships. I'm afraid that when it gets too close, I will have to let it go. Then it will only be a repeat of what has already been happening to me.
You're supposed to learn from your mistakes, right? Shouldn't this not be any different?
I'm tempted to say that "all you can do is look for better opportunities, because they will only be better."
Unfortunately, I have quite a hard time believing that.
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| So since I feel such a strong bond to Charlie -- my '02 ford mustang, I think that I should rethink next time whether I truly like somebody or not.
I know this sounds hardly agreeable, but I've felt similarly to people whom I thought I liked, but turned out [ooh... big shocker] that I didn't really like them so much "that way" at all.
But of course, cars are different than people, since they can't talk and piss you off. So I will always, and forever, love my Charlie more than any other car that I will ever drive.
Any suggestions as to where I should park on the service road...?
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